Our Daddy Rocks!

Daddy's company sale was finally announced in the Wall Street Journal yesterday. It was the only good news on page B4. Yay! My daddy did it! (I call him MY Daddy - because I know my older brother Deven has started showing signs of jealousy, so I figured I'd poke him a bit.) I'm going to be a rascal, according to my parents.


It was a good article. Here's how it starts out:

Glam Media Buys Ad-Technology Firm

Internet company Glam Media Inc. acquired technology firm AdaptiveAds Inc. to boost its online ad-targeting capability and help it create a self-service ad-buying system.

I cooed and gurgled and acted cute (as I always do) when I saw the news. Here's a good shot of me - the Entrepreneur in Training (please note the very cute organic cotton duds, courtesy of Daddy's VCs - reading the news.

Here's a link to the official Press Release.


But I was upset when I finished reading the article - why wasn't my Daddy mentioned in the article? Or me? What about ME? After all, I was born during the deal and gave Daddy just as many sleepless nights as the deal did!

Feed 'em and they grow

...that's what my dad says about kids. He's right, though I think I'm enjoying the process more than he was purported to have enjoyed it.

(Unrelated: hereinafter my dad will be "Granddad" instead of "Naana" which is "Granddad" in Hindi - because "Naana" sounds too close to "Nana" which sounds too much like "Grandma" in English...but I digress).

These first three photos are of Ante (Rohan & Deven's cousin), about a week ago. He's still a baldie - and what a sweet cross of Tommy & Heather! :) These photos were taken on the day of his 2-month doctor's visit and shots - Heather said she cried when he got 'em (and I remember crying when Deven got his, too...though with Rohan, in true 2nd-child-fashion I didn't cry, I just held him as he wailed for his 1st month shots).




Lots of sweet, wonderful things have happened since I last wrote:

- My cousin Rea gave birth to her first baby, naturally, on Sunday. I'll let her give all the details, but she was in high spirits when I talked with her, and she & little one are doing well.

- Amy & Tom came for a visit recently and I realized I didn't even take a photo - but I was amazed at how much vocabulary Tom has...and how well he LISTENED to Amy! This was, in true Kate-fashion, followed almost immediately by an irrational fear that by not staying at home, I'm not giving my kids a good vocabulary or teaching them to listen to me...but then I realized that Deven can count to 20 in 2 languages already thanks to his bilingual Nanny, and at least listens to the Nanny, so I calmed a bit. I think I just finished Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers - which I think I'd taken a bit too much inference from.


- Rohan weighs over 12 lbs today. I know this b/c I went to my first New Homebirth Parents Group @ Natural Resources and weighed him. His little homebirth friends were precious. :)

- Deven can say who his parents are (good in case he gets lost), the numbers up to 20 in Hindi and English, and sings "Hello eh-body" - his version of the beginning of "Hello, Everybody" - a favorite song of his from Music Together. He also now has the ability to keep a tantrum going for the greater of 20 minutes or a LOOOONG walk uphill if we have to leave the 'slide-swings' before the Prince Of Dolores Street is ready.

- We got a new double tandem-inline stroller. It's super-hip and cool and I love it (it was so expensive that I returned a nice Christmas gift from Yogesh to Macy's as I felt a bit guilty for insisting upon it); and it pushes very easily and has lots of great features that make it totally worth the horrifically-high price tag...but I sorta miss the simplicity of the single Bob (see second stroller photo, here).
But I'll send that to Rea; I know she'll get great use of it in the mountains of CO.

- Yogesh sold his company, and that's now public (see the Wall Street Journal articleGlam Media Buys Ad-Technology Firm). Yay!


- I'm still doing some work from Maternity Leave, and that's still a good thing.


- Deven can slide down the slide by himself, forwards now. That plus the language - he's growing fast!

- I'm missing my friends. As we've had kids and I've changed jobs, a few close friends who used to be (physically) nearby aren't any longer, and I haven't added enough new ones who are also nearby. Sure, I've met LOTS of nice people, but I'm not doing enough friendship-making things myself lately (inviting Amy & Tom over was awesome and a good start, but not nearly enough). I want to be closer to a few close women. Christie is gosh-only-knows in NZ, Kimmi's in NY, Karen's in SC, Tammi & Krista are still in DC, Danielle & Amy & Zornitza are still here in SF and Nimisha's still in SJ... but I don't see them nearly enough. I know I'm the one responsible for building a Community around me that I love - and I have to do it. I'm just so tired (and I'm still on Maternity leave!) - I just wonder how those moms who do it all...do it.

Proud to be an American... and a Postscript

Since Rohan's Birth, his Daddy has had an event-filled month. Not only did he sell his company in a private transaction for a successful entrepreneurial 'exit' (to use venture capital language), but he also became an American Citizen (complete with US Passport and invalidated Indian Passport), convinced his father to come visit us (instead of us trapsing 'round the world to visit him in India - which would've been OK but 50+ hours in transit in 3-4 coach class seats, with a toddler, infant, and grandmother in a wheelchair wouldn't have been easy), and comforted an employee/friend whose wife fell gravely ill recently (thankfully she's doing much better, though she's still in the hospital).

Today, we welcome Barack Hussein Obama as the 44th President of the United States. As I mentioned in a post on 2008's Election Day, I'm proud, happy, and more than a bit relieved that Deven and Rohan - themselves of biracial/bicultural heritage - will never know their country as a place where there isn't a leader at least a little bit "like them."



DEVELOPMENT

Rohan's eyelashes are growing. He's started smiling. He weighs almost 12 lbs (maybe that much by now - he was 11 lbs 12 oz at our last Midwife visit, last Thursday). He still is quite a newborn - he doesn't like to sleep anywhere except on someone; he fusses in the evenings regularly and for seemingly no reason (something we hope & expect to decline as he ages). He's given us many sleep-filled nights (pray that writing that doesn't mean he'll stop doing that). He doesn't like having a full dialer (but who would?). He uses his voice a lot - and (as long as he's being held - or bounced) is generally a sweet, vocal little baby.


Deven's language has exploded of late - milk is no longer "meeut" - it's "meelkh" (close enough) or "doodh" (which is milk in Hindi). His nanny has been speaking to him in Hindi, so he has a lot of words he says in both languages - if he wants water, he says "water pani" ("pani" being water in Hindi); if he describes a hat, he says "Topa Hat" ("topa" again being hat in Hindi). He has many 'toddler moments' - at least 5/day, when he wants something and can't have it, and simply starts screeching. He loves the playground ("slide-swings"), and now slides facing forward instead of turning around backwards. He hangs on the monkey bars, he climbs the rope ladders, kicks and throws his soccer ball, and generally loves running around the playgrounds we take him to.

When Deven has a tantrum at the same time as Rohan is fussing, the din is quite overwhelming. I wish I had a way to measure decibels - I think it would rival a rock concert or jet airplane taking off.




POSTSCRIPT TO "NOT GUILTY!"

Yep, I don't feel guilty any more about leaving my kids to go do a job that I enjoy. That doesn't mean, however, that I don't miss my kids when I'm away. I went to a full day of work and business meetings last week, and while it was successful (and I even took time to pump while in the office, which wasn't so bad), I couldn't wait to get home.

Not Guilty!

About a year ago, I wrote a post about how guilty I felt leaving Deven and going to work every day. A very wise friend (and mom of older kids) pointed out that leaving for work might just make me - and him a better person for working.


I'm happy to say today that, a mere year later, I finally believe her comment. This is not to say that I don't miss my kids when we're apart - I do, fiercely. But I love coming home to hear Deven spouting "Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Sunday" because his Nanny is teaching him the days of the week (forgetting a few days but who's counting? It's not something I'd remember to teach him); or to see Rohan slap himself in the face accidentally, and then start to really smile.

I say all of this, because I've started to do a bit of work even while still on leave. Why on earth would I do this, you ask?
- Because I want to.
- Because I can even with Rohan in my lap, nursing away.
- Because I'm needed at work, and I'm good at what I do.
- Because I like making a contribution there - I believe in what we do (selling large commercial solar power contracts).
- Because I have a good situation here at home, and I see Deven thriving (and I trust that Rohan will, too. How could he not, with a loving Daadi and Nanny every day?).
- Because I'm not doing much work - just a bit of email and powerpoint and a few phone calls, really.
- And most importantly, because by doing a bit of work now, I have agreed that I can get more flexibility from my work when I do go back full-time.

So if I need to arrive late or leave early from the office, I can do so - no questions asked. It's such a relief to work with reasonable people who value my contribution...that I really don't feel guilty working, finally!




Photos: First, my boys @ home (Daadi in the background, in our very messy kitchen); second one from a short visit to a fire station. Deven has taken a fascination with all big and noisy transportation - he LOVES fire trucks, buses, motorcycles - and will stop in his tracks and say "WOOOOOOW" any time one of those drives by.

About Rohan

Rohan will be 1 month old on Wednesday, so I thought I'd share some of my observations about him so far:


- He still coos, gurgles, squeaks, and grunts. More now, in fact, than when he was born. Naturally, Yogesh & I think this qualifies him for the Cutest Baby Of 2008 award, but I bet other parents feel the same way about theirs.

- I think his hair will be curly, or at least wavy. When we wash it and it's in that super-soft standup-baby-fuzz state, it's definitely got a curl - or at least more than his brother Deven's has/had. His hair is dark chocolate-brown, eyelashes continue to grow, and the fine dark-brown lanugo that covered his ears, forehead, and back has almost completely disappeared.

- His eyes are starting to change color from the newborn blue-grey to a hazel-greenish-brown right now. I suspect they will end up with the nice Hershey's milk chocolate brown that Deven's eyes are now, but I know they're supposed to keep changing through the first year of life, so we'll see.

- His ears have perked up considerably since their smooshed look from birth; but his left ear still has a funny point in the cartilage where it was bent and it gives him a semi-Spock look from certain angles.

- His cheeks, wrists, chin, and other cute-baby parts are filling out as he gains weight. The more he gains the more I lose, so I love this for all the great mom-and-baby reasons.



- He has a generally happy disposition, and I think has just started smiling back at us. Of course, this makes Yogesh and I grin like clowns - which sometimes continues his smile, and sometimes makes him frown. That said, he has fussy times, which normally end with an enormous adult-like belch. I can't recall how Deven was in this regard, but now with Rohan, burps have never made me so happy!


- Like his brother, he doesn't like to sit in a wet or poopy diaper, and will fuss if made to do so until the diaper's changed. This is good, because it will reduce his chances of horrid diaper rash (he is continually on the verge of diaper rash, I think in part because he's got a mild but persistent case of thrush, and this shows up on his tongue as well as his cute little butt-cheeks (and my nipples, which is painful but I digress).

- Like all the men in his family, he farts BIG. :) I mean, not these sweet little newborn peeps, but loud, baby-shaking, output-producing, calming farts. While the cleanup can be massive, it actually relaxes me to hear him fart, because he relaxes so much.


- He's still wearing 0 - 3 mos sized clothing, but has outgrown his Newborn sized diapers (did that about 2 weeks ago, in fact). I don't know how much he weighs right now, but it's somewhere north of 9 lbs and I'm willing to suspect it changes by ~ 1 oz every time he poops. :)

- He sleeps well thru the night. Note that I didn't say he sleeps THROUGH the night yet, but he eats every 3 - 4 hours (as opposed to every 1 - 2) at night, and because we sleep together, he often doesn't even wake me up. We do have to change his diaper and burp him at night, but so far it hasn't been horrific and I'm still feeling somewhat sane. :)

- He likes to be held - a LOT. So far, he hasn't slept anywhere other than someone's arms or chest for more than ~ 1 hour of his short life. This is fine, in my opinion...I'll be going back to work all too soon, and I (and Daddy, and Daadi, and Naani, and even Naana) need to hold him as much as he needs to be held.

In general, he's a good baby, a good little brother, and - even when he screeches - a stork-gift I think we'll keep.

All the Sharmas are napping...

...and I am awake. It's a brilliant San Francisco Saturday afternoon, and the house is blissfully quiet. I can't remember the last time the house was this peaceful, for this long - it's been at least 30 minutes, and I'm the only one who I can tell has moved in that time. The silence is delicious...I can actually hear the clock ticking (reminds me: must get nicer Grandmother clock instead of this cheap Ikea thing we have on our mantle), the cat clicking his long claws on the wood floor (reminds me: Must trim cat's nails), and even the wind in the palm trees in front of our house (reminds me: must talk to condo neighbor about trimming shrubbery). Aargh, I have a lot of things on my to-do list...someone please wake up!


This morning we bought Daadi a nice "new" (antique) dresser and headboard - some nicely refinished pieces from a local couple who buys "junk" and refurbishes it, then sells the pieces on Craigslist.

Buying the pieces made Daadi very happy, and prompted her to tell us the following funny story:

Daadi comes from a fairly well-to-do family. And as the custom through the early 20th century in India, a family would receive a dowry for every girl (woman) who married into it. Part of a dowry given to her uncle as part of his wedding was an enormous antique carved wooden bed.


When Daadi was married to Daada in 1950, her family gave Daada's family the bed. However, the bed was so big, and Daada's family home so modest (literally 2 rooms for 3 adults & 6 children as I understand it), that it wouldn't fit through the doorway into the house! So, the bed remained somewhere (in storage?) for years.

The next girl who was married out of Daada's family came to her future betrothed with ...you guessed it...the bed! It was a joke in the family for some time of "Where's the bed going next?"



Postscript for all the non-Indians reading this: the concept of Dowry was alive and well in post-colonial India. While it is still thriving in some areas and socioeconomic classes in India, this Sharma family no longer expects a dowry. Or at least, I sure didn't come with one...in fact, I came with impending plans (and bills) for graduate school! :)

And yes, I know the photos here do NOT match the post, but we had so many cute pictures from when Naana & Naani were in town, I couldn't help it.



Do you like the photo of Deven's messy feet? This is from when he stomped in the mud puddle we created when we buried the placentas last weekend (reminds me: Must go check to see whether they and the bulbs we planted on top are still ok).



How about the photo of Deven wearing Daddy's shoes? He's started to be able to wear his own shoes and socks...and try on everyone else's as well, lately. Very cute, unless he's having a toddler-moment.



Happy New Year, everyone!

I have a pot. Evolutionarily speaking...

Yes, it's true. I have a pot - a pot-belly, that is. My dad (Naana) made this comment the other day, and he's right. I was whining about this to my midwives the other day as well, and Midwife Michelle made me feel better with this comment:
"Evolutionarily speaking, you're just where you should be - all those skinny moms who can fit into their pre-pregnancy jeans within 2 weeks, would've had trouble breastfeeding their infants and their babies would've been malnourished or died."
Yeah, so take that to the bank, skinny moms!


Add to that, Rohan's taking ~ 500 calories/day from me through breastfeeding, and that adds up to ~ 1 lb / week of weight loss. I have much more than a few lbs to go, but it took 9 mos to put it on...so up to 9 mos to take it off isn't too much to ask, is it? I did get rid of the pot I had after Deven was born (in fact I got into better shape, thanks to regular attendance at Baby Boot Camp), so I know I can do it again. I just have to avoid the yummy sweets we have around the house, and exercise a ton. Luckily I live in a city where outdoor activities aren't a problem, year-round. :)

VISIT FROM NAANI & NAANA
We had an excellent, if too short, Christmas visit from Naani & Naana. Naana got Deven (and Rohan) a wonderful wooden train set - perfect for little Marauder. Naani got lots of cute things for both, including a shirt for Rohan with "Bandit" on the front. So, Rohan will henceforth be known as Bandit. And note the cute yellow-n-white knit hats both are wearing in the first photo - those were knitted by Aunt Carol. Gorgeous - thank you!

Here's a photo of Naana holding Rohan. Very sweet, right? But Rohan didn't exactly put himself into Naana's good graces up-front. Howso? The first time Naana held Rohan, Rohan peed. Not just in his diaper, but out of his diaper, his onesie, his overalls, and Naana's shirt. Luckily we'd just given Dad some new turtlenecks for Christmas - otherwise Naana would've had to go topless as the laundry ran! (OK, not quite...but you get the point. I'm not sure whether my dad has yet forgiven my mom for handing him a leaky baby). :-)


We spent one afternoon in our small backyard, burying both Deven's and Rohan's placentas. Lest you think this is wierd, think about these next three comments:
- traditional societies bury placentas as well; in fact there's a saying in Hindi, where if an adult child won't leave a village and go find their fortune, they can be teased with the comment "What, are you still connected to your placenta?"
- humans are the only animals that don't eat their placentas as a regular course of birth
- if the parents don't take the placentas in a hospital setting, hospitals sell them to cosmetic companies. So next time you're applying your fancy Lancome lipstick, think about that.



Note the bottom of Deven's pants in this photo. As part of the burying, we transplanted some flower bulbs into the holes...and watered...which created the most terrific mud, which Deven LOVED. So much that we had to strip him down before we brought him back inside. Boys will be boys, I suppose!

Happy Christmas! 1-2, 5-6, 9-10

We will open most of our gifts when Naani and Naana arrive and we have a full day together on Saturday 12/27. It's been a nice lazy day here today - the rain finally stopped and we went to a tiny park nearby, Juri Commons, with the boys. Interesting history for the park - it used to be part of the San Francisco - San Jose train path before western train magnates created the Southern Pacific Railroad.

Deven's vocabulary has exploded lately - in part due to his age, his sweet new nanny who talks and sings to him constantly, and even gave him the cute guitar in the photos (his favorite song lately is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star), and I think, even his baby brother. His word for "milk" is "meuut" - and he has been very sweet with baby - noting that "baby meuut" comes from "mommy's bsts" (the breast pump is a source of endless fascination for him).

Deven is learning his numbers, and instead of saying 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10; he consistently skips a few figures and consistently says "1 - 2, 5 - 6, 9 - 10" - pretty cute.

He's also become a hugger, and a blower of kisses when he says goodbye - something we all appreciate and hope never changes.

To update my I FORGOT post - I also forgot:



- How fast newborns' fingernails grow! He's scratched me a few times, despite me having trimmed his nails 5 times already in his short 19-day lifespan!

- How fast newborns grow, in general - Rohan was just shy of 9 lbs at his 2-week Midwife checkup on Monday (this is very good for him - and for me, as I have quite a few pounds left to shed to get back down to my 'fighting weight' - and at ~ 500 calories / day, breastfeeding is one of the cheapest & easiest weight loss regimes out there!


- How much babies like (need?) to be moved to sleep and stop fussing sometimes. Deven and now his baby brother were/are partial to being bounced on the green exercise ball - this is sometimes the only thing that will calm them down. Thank goodness we have it - though as you can see, sometimes it can be hazardous to Daddy if he tries to lean back too far!

To update my ADMINISTRIVIA post - I went back to the Social Security office with all the paperwork I was told I needed; to have them say it would take over a month to get the social security number/card. Why so long (when Deven's took literally 6 days)? Because they
- have to verify the validity of the birth certificate (whaa? I didn't even HAVE ONE when I got the social security card for Deven...so you mean a hospital is more trustworthy than the City of San Francisco Vital Records' embossed/stamped birth certificate?
- have them question why I didn't give them originals of Rohan's pediatrician records (Whaa? They didn't say that! And like having the original doctor's chicken-scratch and no cover letter is ANY better than the copies that are clearly from Dr. Schwanke's office?)
- I finally had to do what I loathe doing: I had to raise my voice and accuse them of giving me false information the last time I was there, and via online/web information. That seemed to work, and while it won't speed the process, at least i shouldn't have to go back there again...I hope...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Administrivia

Now I know why more people don't have babies @ home. It's not because the experience is hard (it's not) or there's a lot of pain (there is just as much in a hospital) or because there's higher risk (there isn't, assuming you're assisted by qualified Midwives as I was).

It's because of the administrivia! I knew that we'd have to go get Rohan's birth certificate ourselves - and that we'd have to bring Rohan down to the Department of Health to do so, both of us show up in person, AND have our midwife Nancy sign a form saying yes, she helped birth him...so that was all fine, and went essentially as planned.

But Rohan also needs a Social Security Number...so I got to deal with the Federal Government. Their website clearly says that you need a Birth Certificate (ok, got it) and that the same document can serve as ID and as Proof of Citizenship. Fine; so I march down to the nearest Social Security office and present Rohan's Birth Certificate.

Not enough!

No, they need a second form of ID. But wait...babies don't come out with RFID tags, or even just a valid California ID card and checkbook with pre-printed address.
So what do we do? It turns out, they'll also need a statement from his Pediatrician (?!?) to prove his status as a US person. Which is illogical, if you think about it. His pediatrician's office was great; but the statement they provided was: We have seen a newborn infant boy whose name we are told is Rohan Sherwood Sharma; who we are told was born on 12/7/08. We saw him 3 times, here are his records. But nowhere does the statement prove that this boy is my son, that this boy was born here, or even his age. Do they ask the Midwife (who has to swear that she was there @ the birth)? Nope. Nonsensical.

...and now I go back there, to see if they'll accept this nonsensical piece of paper I have from the pediatrician...


In other news, enjoy the rainbow I saw outside our window today - photo doesn't do it justice. As the rest of the country freezes, I love living in San Francisco!

I forgot...and I didn't know...

The early days with Deven went by so fast, that there are many things I forgot and - naturally, now that we have 2, that I didn't know then.

Some things that I forgot:

- How cute newborn facial expressions are. Toddlers are adorable, but they can control their facial expressions, and match them to how they're really feeling. Newborns...well, check out the photos.


- That newborns don't know how to nurse the minute they come out. And if they have short tongues - like Rohan - that can lead to real pain for mom (ouch! You get the idea...)

- That meconium is gross, sticky, and really hard to get off at 3am. The only thing that seems to help is olive oil, and being patient because it goes away in a couple of days. Lukcily it doesn't stink...too much.


- How soft newborn skin is. Toddler skin is still waaay softer than mine - but newborn skin is like an indescribable satin.

- That newborns need to be burped after nursing, pretty much every time. I couldn't figure out why Rohan was fussy after a good nurse in the first couple of days - then in moving him, he let a big belch and quieted down. Aaah, right...



And some things I didn't know:

- Some newborns make noise. Cute little coos, sighs, and breathing-sounds - and this is perfectly normal. Rohan is one of these little ones. We haven't uploaded it yet, but when he came out he was making so many sounds, I thought something was wrong, until I asked our Midwives- who said no, it's normal...and reminded me of my next point:


- All babies are different. Yeah, ok, I knew this intellectually, but in reality, I think I assumed that "because Deven did , Rohan will do too." Already, I've been wrong. They may look really similar, but our two sons are certainly different people.

- That older brothers can be very tender and sweet to their baby brothers, even at just 20 months old. Deven so far: recognizes Rohan, will point towards him when you ask "Where's Rohan?" and will not only say "Baby" but will bring Rohan's topi (hat) when you ask. He has touched Rohan lightly, and hasn't tried anything harmful...yet. Not bad for an otherwise marauding toddler.


- That silver nitrate can be used to cauterize the remaining cord-stump when the main cord-piece falls off - it doesn't hurt, and doesn't mess with any skin other than the moist stuff it's cauterizing. This treatment is much better than an infected cord-stump (like Deven had).

- That, with the right help, including a wonderful husband/dad, mother-in-law, nanny, friends, relatives far & near, and even supportive colleagues, this mother-of-two-under-two thing isn't so bad. :-)